Here’s Exactly What To Do When Someone Gaslights You, According to a Psychologist

Have you ever felt like you’re going crazy after a conversation with someone? They tell you things never happened when you clearly remember them. Your gut says one thing, but it makes you question everything you know. Sound familiar? This mental confusion isn’t your fault – it’s gaslighting.

This sneaky form of manipulation leaves you doubting your reality. But you’re not powerless against it.

Psychologist Dr. Elisabeth Crain shares proven ways to protect yourself from gaslighting. Her practical advice helps you spot the signs, stand your ground, and keep your sanity intact.

Let’s look at exactly what you can do when someone tries to gaslight you.

Understanding Gaslighting

Understanding Gaslighting

People who gaslight will twist facts and warp your sense of truth. Someone might tell you that a conversation never happened, though you clearly remember it.

They’ll say you’re too sensitive when you bring up their hurtful actions. Your memories get questioned until you start doubting yourself.

This mental manipulation runs deep into relationships. A partner could minimize your work accomplishments by saying you got lucky.

Friends might brush off your concerns as overreacting. Family members could deny their past behavior, making you feel crazy for bringing it up. These small acts build up over time, creating cracks in your confidence.

The blame always lands on you in these situations. You’ll hear phrases like “You always misunderstand things” or “That’s not what happened at all.” The gaslighter takes no responsibility, instead pointing fingers at your perception.

They’ll make you apologize for reactions to their bad behavior. This constant redirection of fault leaves you carrying emotional weight that isn’t yours.

Impact of Gaslighting

Impact of Gaslighting

Self-trust crumbles under constant questioning. You start second-guessing simple decisions. The confidence you once had in your judgment fades.

Small choices become big struggles as you wonder if you can trust your mind. Your voice grows quieter in conversations, fearing you’ll say something “wrong” again.

Reality becomes like shifting sand beneath your feet. What you know happened gets twisted into different stories. Yesterday’s clear memories turn foggy today.

You can’t tell if you’re remembering things wrong or being lied to. The ground never feels solid when someone keeps changing the facts on you.

The emotional toll shows up in many ways. Sadness creeps in as you lose connection with your truth. You feel tired from defending your experiences.

Sleep becomes hard when your mind keeps replaying conversations, looking for what’s real. The joy drains from activities you once loved. Depression takes root when you can’t trust your own experiences anymore.

Common Gaslighting Signs

Common Gaslighting Signs

Past events vanish in conversations with gaslighters. They’ll say “I never said that” about words you heard clearly. Big moments get erased – birthdays they missed, promises they broke, fights that happened.

Your photos and texts proving these events mean nothing. They stick to their story no matter what proof you show.

Facts get rewritten to fit their story. A calm discussion becomes “You were yelling at me.” Their harsh words turn into “jokes you took too seriously.”

Your successes shrink while your role grows bigger. The real story slips away as they paint new versions. Soon you question which version is true.

Written proof doesn’t matter to gaslighters. They ignore text messages showing their words. Emails proving agreements get dismissed. Videos of events get explained away. Your evidence means nothing against their denial.

They make you doubt what’s right in front of you. Your documented truth holds no power when they decide it’s wrong.

What To Do When Someone Gaslights You, According to a Psychologist

Your response to gaslighting shapes your mental health and future well-being. Taking the right steps safeguards your reality while preventing more manipulation attempts. Learning these tactics helps you maintain clarity and strength when facing someone who tries to distort your truth.

1. Skip the Arguments

Skip the Arguments

Someone who gaslights creates an alternate reality where facts don’t matter. They’ll dismiss photo evidence, ignore text messages, and deny recorded conversations.

Their commitment to distortion makes proving your point useless. Your carefully gathered proof bounces off their wall of denial, leaving you exhausted and frustrated.

“If you’re being gaslit, you don’t want to talk your way out of it because the person doing it to you either doesn’t know or does know and is trying to manipulate you,” Dr. Crain says.

Each attempt to defend yourself gives them new material to twist. They feed off your need to be understood, using it to pull you deeper into their distorted world.

Fighting with facts often backfires in subtle ways. They might say you’re being defensive, too emotional, or obsessed with the past. Your evidence becomes proof of your “problems” in their narrative.

This twisted logic leaves you questioning your reactions, which plays right into their manipulation strategy. The more you try to prove your point, the more ammunition they have to use against you.

2. Exit the Situation

Exit the Situation

Walking away breaks their hold on your mind. Short responses followed by physical distance stop their tactics cold.

Your departure creates a break in their manipulation pattern, giving you room to breathe and think clearly. This simple act of leaving shows them their usual tricks won’t work anymore.

Many victims spend hours trying to reach understanding with their gaslighter. Dr. Crain stresses that “gaslighters try to take your power away, and you rob them of that opportunity by disengaging.”

Every minute spent arguing gives them chances to plant more seeds of doubt. They’ll use your desire for resolution against you, turning it into proof that you’re unreasonable.

The space between you and them becomes your strength. Without their constant presence, their hold on your thoughts weakens. You start seeing their behavior patterns more clearly from a distance.

Time away helps you rebuild your connection to reality without their interference. Your mind begins to clear, letting you trust your perceptions again.

3. Hold Your Ground

Hold Your Ground

Record events immediately after they happen. Write down exact quotes, behaviors, and your reactions. These detailed notes become your anchor to reality when someone tries to change the story later.

Include time stamps, locations, and names of any witnesses present. This documentation builds a solid foundation of truth you can rely on.

“Keep a journal to document your memories and experiences, and then trust yourself for the rest,” Dr. Crain advises.

Your written record stands firm against their attempts to rewrite history. Each entry helps counter the self-doubt they try to create. The act of writing itself strengthens your trust in your own experiences.

Regular review of your documentation reinforces your grip on reality. Read through past entries to remind yourself what happened. Share your records with trusted friends or family members who can validate your experiences.

Their confirmation helps combat the isolation gaslighters often create. Building this evidence base over time creates a strong defense against future manipulation attempts.

4. Build Your Knowledge

Build Your Knowledge

Learning about manipulation tactics arms you with protection. Study the common phrases gaslighters use to twist reality. Notice how they shift blame, deny obvious facts, and minimize your feelings.

Understanding their playbook helps you spot their moves before they fully take effect. Knowledge becomes power when dealing with psychological manipulation.

Dr. Crain emphasizes the importance of “name it when you see it.” She recommends studying gaslighting patterns to catch them early.

Recognizing their tactics in action helps you maintain your grip on reality. The sooner you spot their manipulation, the less impact it has on your mental state.

Create connections with others who understand these dynamics. Their outside perspective helps catch manipulation you might miss while under stress.

Share what you learn about gaslighting with trusted people in your life. This network of informed supporters strengthens your resistance to reality distortion. Their validation helps counter the isolation gaslighters often create.

5. Practice Self-Care

Practice Self-Care

Your emotional health needs extra attention after facing gaslighting. Take long walks to clear your head from their influence.

Spend quality time with people who respect your feelings and experiences. Choose activities that remind you who you are without their presence. Small acts of self-care add up to stronger mental resilience.

“Participate in activities that bring you joy or make you feel relaxed,” Dr. Crain suggests, “such as taking a hot bath, going for a walk, or meeting with a trustworthy friend.”

Recovery looks different for each person. Listen to what your mind and body need to feel centered again. Some find peace in quiet reflection, while others gain strength from supportive company.

Making a self-care routine builds resistance to future manipulation. Your strong sense of self makes their tactics less effective. Set aside regular time for activities that ground you in reality.

Practice mindfulness to stay connected with your true experiences and feelings. Maintain hobbies and interests that remind you of your identity beyond their influence. Each act of self-care strengthens your ability to trust your perceptions and experiences.

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