I’m Great at Making Money But Terrible at Saving It—A Financial Therapist Helped Me Understand Why
The alert was a faint buzz against his palm, a vibration Oliver almost missed in the hushed, minimalist sanctuary of the boutique where sat a pair of handcrafted leather boots on the polished concrete floor that he had been coveting for weeks.
They were impractical, exquisitely made, and carried a price tag that was, objectively, absurd; as he reached for his wallet, his phone buzzed again with a Low Balance Alert from his bank, and his stomach dropped.
From the outside, Oliver’s life was the portrait of success with an impressive job title, a desirable apartment, and an income well north of $300,000 a year, but behind the digital facade was a secret he guarded with shame: he was financially drowning, and a constant, low-grade hum of anxiety was the soundtrack to his life.
The Diagnosis – Unpacking Oliver Money Story
The Turning Point: When Spreadsheets Aren’t Enough
Before seeking help, Oliver tried everything the personal finance blogs recommended, downloading sleek budgeting apps with colorful interfaces promising a new era of control, only to ignore their notifications after a week.
He tried to “brute force” his savings, setting aggressive, arbitrary goals that he would inevitably break, leading to a cycle of restriction and rebellion; the breaking point came when he realized the problem wasn’t the math, as he knew how to add and subtract.
The problem was his mindset, and no spreadsheet could fix the knot of anxiety in his stomach or the compulsive urge to spend after a stressful day, which is when he typed “financial therapist” into a search engine.
Introducing Financial Therapy
His first session was a revelation; Oliver expected to be handed a budget and a lecture, but instead, the therapist, a calm and empathetic woman named Dr. Evans, asked him about his childhood.
She asked what his parents taught him about money, what his first money memory was, and how he felt when he spent money.
This is the core of financial therapy, a field that bridges the gap between financial planning and mental health; as one expert, Erika Wasserman, puts it, financial advisors work on the “dollars and cents,” while financial therapy works on your “other senses, like sleepless nights and family conflicts”.
To clarify the distinction, the roles can be broken down as follows:
Financial Advisor vs. Financial Therapist
Which one do you need? Click to explore the two roles.
- Primary Focus: The “how-to” of money: investment strategy, retirement planning, tax optimization, estate planning.
- Core Question: “What is the most efficient way to deploy your capital to meet your goals?”
- Methodology: Data analysis, financial modeling, portfolio management, product recommendations.
- Typical Outcome: A comprehensive financial plan, an optimized investment portfolio, a strategy for wealth accumulation.
- Primary Focus: The “why” behind money behaviors: beliefs, emotions, family history, trauma, and relationship dynamics.
- Core Question: “What is your relationship with money and how is it impacting your well-being?”
- Methodology: Psychotherapy techniques, exploring “money scripts,” identifying emotional triggers, couples counseling.
- Typical Outcome: Healthier money habits, reduced financial anxiety, improved communication with partners, resolution of self-sabotaging behaviors.
The Revelation: Uncovering “Money Scripts” and Emotional Triggers
Through his sessions, Dr. Evans helped Oliver uncover the invisible forces that had been controlling his financial life for decades.
She introduced him to the concept of “money scripts”—unconscious beliefs about money that are developed in childhood and drive our adult financial behaviors; his script, they discovered, was: “Money is a source of stress and conflict, so spend it quickly to get a moment of relief.”
Oliver grew up in a home where his parents, despite being financially stable, argued constantly about money, so to him, money wasn’t a tool for security, it was a catalyst for anxiety, and spending became his escape.
They also discussed the unique psychology of high earners, as studies suggest that wealth can sometimes cloud moral judgment and foster a sense of entitlement, making it easier to justify extravagant spending.
The biggest epiphany was this: his inability to save wasn’t a character flaw, it wasn’t a lack of discipline or intelligence, but rather a symptom of unaddressed emotional patterns and a deeply ingrained money script he never knew he had.
The Treatment – Rewriting the Script and Building a New System
The New Philosophy: From Deprivation to Intention with Values-Based Budgeting
Dr. Evans dismissed his old, restrictive budgets immediately, saying, “Deprivation doesn’t work, it creates a scarcity mindset that leads to rebellion.”
Instead, she introduced Oliver to values-based budgeting, a transformative approach that aligns spending and saving with what one truly cares about in life; the goal isn’t to spend less, it’s to spend better.
The process was straightforward but profound:
Identify Core Values: Oliver spent an entire session identifying his top three core values, not generic words but getting specific about what they meant to him, and landed on.
Freedom (the ability to control his time and make choices without financial constraint), Connection (nurturing relationships with family and friends), and Growth (learning new skills and having new experiences).
Audit Spending: He analyzed three months of his spending, and the disconnect was jarring; thousands of dollars went to impulse purchases, overpriced convenience, and status symbols that had nothing to do with Freedom, Connection, or Growth.
Create a “Values-Based Plan”: They didn’t call it a budget, it was a plan to fund the life he wanted, so saving was no longer about deprivation, it was about buying his future freedom, and spending on a trip with his parents wasn’t an indulgence, it was an investment in Connection.
This reframed his entire financial world, as author Morgan Housel writes, money’s greatest value is “its ability to give you control over your time,” and his new plan was designed to do exactly that.
A High-Earner’s Toolkit: Strategic and Automated
With a new philosophy in place, they built a system of practical, high-impact strategies tailored to Oliver’s income level.
Combating Lifestyle Creep: Oliver adopted the “50% Rule,” committing to automatically allocating half of every future raise, bonus, or other income increase directly to savings and investments.
This simple rule allows for some lifestyle improvement while ensuring his savings rate accelerates faster than his spending.
Automating Wealth Creation: They designed a “waterfall” of automatic monthly transfers that put his savings on autopilot, starting with maxing out tax-advantaged accounts.
The first dollars from every paycheck now go toward contributing the 2025 maximum of $23,500 to his traditional 401(k) to lower his taxable income, and executing a “Backdoor Roth IRA” contribution since his income is too high for direct contributions.
He also fully funds his Health Savings Account (HSA) to take advantage of its unique triple tax benefits: tax-deductible contributions, tax-free growth, and tax-free withdrawals for medical expenses.
Creating “Sinking Funds”: The next transfers go to several dedicated high-yield savings accounts (where interest rates can be as high as 5.00% APY), each named for a specific, value-aligned goal.
Oliver now has a “Freedom Fund” (his emergency and opportunity fund), a “Travel Fund” (for Growth), and a “Generosity Fund” (for Connection).
Seeing these accounts grow is infinitely more satisfying than any impulse purchase.
Spending with Intention: For his discretionary spending, Oliver adopted the “Marie Kondo Approach.”
Before making a non-essential purchase, he pauses and asks himself two questions: “Does this align with one of my core values?” and “Will this spark lasting joy?”
This simple check-in has transformed shopping from a reactive, emotional habit into a mindful, intentional choice.
The Digital Support System
Oliver deleted his old budgeting apps and replaced them with a new suite of tools designed to support his new mindset.
For Emotional Awareness: He started using MoodWallet, whose simple daily check-ins prompt him to connect his purchases to his feelings, helping him identify his emotional spending triggers in real-time without shame or judgment.
For Intentional Planning: Oliver adopted YNAB (You Need A Budget); its core philosophy of “give every dollar a job” is the perfect digital implementation of his values-based plan.
It forces him to be proactive and intentional with his money, which is especially powerful for managing the complexity of a high income and preventing lifestyle creep.
For Interrupting Impulses: For moments of weakness, especially when scrolling online, he uses an app called ShoppingDetox, which utilizes AI-powered mentors to help him pause and rethink an impulse purchase before he clicks “buy”.
Through this process, Oliver learned a crucial lesson: systems are stronger than willpower.
He didn’t succeed because he suddenly became a person of iron-clad discipline; he succeeded because he built a system—a combination of a clear philosophy, powerful automation, and supportive technology.
This system protected him from his own worst impulses and made his desired behaviors the path of least resistance, effectively automating his success.
The Journey Forward – Living a Richer Life
Last week, after a particularly brutal day of back-to-back meetings, Oliver found himself scrolling through his phone, his thumb hovering over an ad for a ridiculously expensive watch.
The old urge flared up—the desire for a quick hit of dopamine, a material reward for his hard work—but this time, something was different.
He paused, opened his YNAB app, and looked at the money allocated to his “Freedom Fund,” thinking about what that fund represented: the ability to one day take a sabbatical, to be less dependent on a job that could be so draining, and to have control over his time.
Oliver closed the ad; the feeling wasn’t deprivation, it was power, the quiet confidence of someone who is finally in control of their own economic life, a transformation echoed in the success stories of those who have sought financial counseling and moved from despair to stability.
His entire definition of wealth has shifted; he is saving more money than he ever thought possible, yet his life feels more abundant, not less.
His spending is now concentrated on the things that truly matter to him, and the joy he gets from those experiences is deeper and more lasting than any material possession.
Your Financial Wellness Toolkit
A curated list of resources to help you begin your own journey toward a healthier relationship with money.
To Read (Transform Your Mindset)
The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel: An essential read on the timeless lessons of the behavioral side of wealth and happiness.
The Financial Anxiety Solution by Lindsay Bryan-Podvin: A practical workbook from a leading financial therapist designed to help you stop stressing about money.
Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin: A classic guide for aligning your finances with your personal values to achieve true financial independence.
I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi: A no-nonsense, highly practical guide to building automated systems for wealth, widely recommended in online finance communities.
